Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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