I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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