Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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