I am spending my child support on dildos
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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