May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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