If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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