Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
