i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
