My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
