she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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