I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
