Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
