Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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