No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
