I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
