We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
