sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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