i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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