I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
