He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
