Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
