In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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