U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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