i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
