do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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