I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize