When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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