come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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