I wish my penis had an off switch
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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