I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
All the doctor said was why
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
