clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
