sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
