You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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