he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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