Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
