see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
