threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
