Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
