it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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