What a fucking waste of an outfit
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
