am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
