Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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