I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
