You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
How external is "for external use only"?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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