You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
