Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize