OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Sober January is a disaster.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
