You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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