I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
