I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Too much gin, very little bucket
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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