i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
