I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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