I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
