I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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