beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I understand Curling. That high.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
