Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
