So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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