As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
