I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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