I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
