I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
