Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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