I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
