a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
