Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
