Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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