how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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