Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
