I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
