My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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