as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
