I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
