Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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