I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize