i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
