you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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