Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she pinky promised me she was 18
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
