Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize