Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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