Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
