I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
