It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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