I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
