haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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