if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
