Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
