Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
