I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
