Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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