This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
