my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
