Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
