jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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