people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
